A Year of Learning, Loving, and Living

Celebrating Brayden's 1st Birthday!


It's been a year since I wrote in this blog about my birth story. Really?!? How did that happen? Looking back, it feels like this year has gone by so fast, but at the same time it feels like so much has happened in this year that it has actually been a long year.

I am heading back to work full-time next week so I have recently been feeling very emotional and reflective. I am trying to cherish all the time off I have with my husband and son. My husband took some vacation time during my last two weeks off so we could spend some time together as a family before I go back to work. I love that he did that! I have seen a completely different side of my husband since he became a father. I remember my friend, Rene, telling me after she had her first child, that once you see your husband as a father you will love him even more. She was right. It completely melts my heart to see my husband with my son, Brayden. He has been such a rock for our little family and shown us such support and love.

We made the big decision this year to sell our cozy apartment in Kitsilano and buy a house in Steveston. It was something we'd talked about before but when it came time to do it, we felt quite emotional about it. Our apartment in Kitsilano was the first home we'd bought together and where we shared so many memories for 7 years. Moving from Kitsilano to Steveston marked the closure of one chapter in our lives and the start of a new one as a family. Since we moved about a month and a half ago, my husband has worked non-stop to renovate our house to make it into the beautiful home we envisioned when we first saw it. He is the most hard-working man I know and such a wonderful husband and father. I am very blessed.

This year-long jouriney of mat leave has been such an amazing experience. Seriously, it has been one of the best years of my life but so unlike anything I have ever experienced before. It has been full of so many challenges, triumphs, so much learning and discovering. I never thought motherhood would be easy, but nothing can ever really prepare you for this role. You can take all the classes, read all the books, and listen to all the wise words of other mothers, but nothing but actually being a mother can make you ready.

I feel so privileged to have been able to take a year off to get to know my beautiful son and see him grow from a newborn baby who depended on me for everything to a gorgeous one-year old who can walk around independently, communicate his needs and wants and understands me (I don't know how mothers in the USA go back to work after 3 months!). I see him absorbing in information all around him everyday. He wants to know and learn about everything. This is what makes me most sad about going back to work. Brayden is at the stage where he is so curious and learning so quickly. It makes me so proud to see every little thing he discovers like how to push a button on a toy or banging two toys together to make noise. I am going to miss spending all day with my little munchkin, singing songs, playing and going out with him everywhere.

I've been trying hard to focus on the positive things about going back to work, like being able to go to the gym at lunch, sitting down and being able to actually enjoy my coffee while it's still hot, and catching up with my great co-workers. We are really lucky to have our families taking care of Brayden when I go back to work. Our parents and my sister-in-law have graciously volunteered to look after Brayden, along with my husband, so I can go back to work full time. I know if I was going to be sending Brayden to a daycare I would feel more anxiety than I do right now about going back to work. I think it will be good for Brayden to get to hang out with his grandparents, auntie, and cousins every week. I've been nervous about how busy I'm going to feel dropping off Brayden in the mornings, working, picking him up after work, coming home, making dinner, making lunches, dealing with bedtime, etc. etc. My husband has been so understanding of my worries and keeps reminding me that he is here to help with this stuff too and not to put so much pressure on myself to do everything. I've decided that once I go back to work and get in the swing of things I am going to get back to going to Bikrams Yoga. It is something I really enjoy doing and I think it will be good for me to have a couple of hours that is all mine each week.

So, to sum it up, I've learned a lot this year. I've learned a lot about myself, my husband, and my child. I never thought I could love my husband more than I did before but I was wrong. The love for your own child is indescribable. I could try to explain it but I would never be able to do it justice. I love being a Mom and a wife. I have always known how important family and friends are in my life and going through an event like having a child is a good reminder of that. So, even though I'd love to push the pause button on life so I could stay at home on mat leave for awhile longer, life continues along and next week I will be starting a new chapter as a working Mom. Wish me luck!

Hello Brayden!

Remember how I was saying in my last post that I was feeling a bit guilty for having my last day of work being August 13th leaving me with 2 weeks until my due date? Well, I don't feel guilty anymore! Brayden Kai Neufeld decided to make his appearance into this world 12 days early on Sunday, August 15, 2010, just two days after my last day of work.

On the day of of Brayden's birth, our day started off normally. We slept in and met up with our friends, Becky and Matt, for a dim sum lunch. We hugged good bye after lunch joking about how it might be the last time they see me with a pregnant belly. After lunch Mike and I took our dog, Keiko, to the doggy beach by Vanier Park and spent the afternoon there relaxing in the sun. At around 4pm I thought I felt a bit of a cramp but I wasn't so sure because it was quite faint so I didn't mention anything to Mike. We had made dinner reservations for that evening at the new Boathouse Restaurant on Kits Beach. It was going to be our last nice, romantic dinner out together before the baby arrived. We decided to head back home at around 4pm to start getting ready to go out to dinner. I was really looking forward to our dinner!

By 5pm we had gotten home, Mike had showered and given Keiko a bath and it was my turn to hop into the shower. By this point I had felt a couple of more 'cramps' and I was starting to think that maybe they were contractions. I decided to mention it to Mike (just in case), but I told him they were happening about 20 mins apart so if they were contractions I was sure we still had lots of time because I'd heard you can be in early labour for up to 20 hrs sometimes. I told him I was going to take a shower and I'd let him know if they still kept happening. Well, they did keep happening while I was showering and by the end of my shower I was pretty confident I was having labour contractions - by this time it was about 5:30pm. I told Mike I still wanted to try to go to the Boathouse for dinner, to which he responded that I was mad! Ha ha. We decided to wait another 45 minutes to see how things progressed before we would cancel the dinner reservations. By 6:15pm my contractions had gotten a lot closer - about 5-10 mins apart and they were starting to get a bit stronger. Mike and I decided at this time that we should cancel our dinner reservations and order in take out instead. We ordered in dinner and had eaten it by 7pm. By this time My contractions had now progressed to 3 mins apart and were lasting for approximately 45 seconds each time. I called my midwife at this point and she asked me a bunch of questions. I was still able to talk through my contractions, although they were hurting quite a bit, so she told me to monitor them for another 1/2 hour to an hour and call her back if they got more intense to the point where I couldn't talk through the contractions, they got closer together, or my water broke. After speaking to my midwife we had called my Dad to come and pick up Keiko to look after her when we had to go to the hospital and we'd packed our hospital bags. Almost immediately after I got off the phone with my midwife my contractions started getting a lot more intense. They remained at 3 mins apart but by 7:30pm I was unable to talk through any of my contractions. At 7:45pm my water broke and Mike called my midwife immediately to tell her this and let her know how strong the contractions were now. My midwife told Mike to get me to the hospital right away and told us she'd meet us there in 10 mins. It was go time!

The contractions were really intense by the time I got to the hospital and lasted for at least a minute each. Mike was really calm and supportive the whole time which is what I really needed. We arrived at the hospital at approximately 8:15pm. When my midwife checked me at the hospital she found that I was already 5 cm dilated so we got a private room right away and everything was set into motion quickly. I was in too much pain to walk up to my private room on the second floor of BC Women's Hospital so they got me a wheelchair and wheeled me up. I asked my midwife if she thought I would have my baby the next morning or if she thought it would take awhile until the afternoon and she told me that I was having this baby that night! I was shocked because most of the births I'd heard about went for hours and hours.

Most of my contractions by this point were in my back and they hurt so much. Back labour is not fun! All I remember thinking is 'holy crap, how much more painful is this going to get?!?!' Mike told my midwife that I had expressed many times that I wanted a drug-free birth. I had asked him to do this when I was in labour and to keep reminding me why I wanted a drug-free birth when I was in too much pain to remember. My midwife suggested I try taking a bath to try and relieve the pain of the contractions. I was up for anything to relieve the pain naturally so I hopped into the huge soaker tub in my room. It felt so nice...but it didn't exactly relieve the pain. My midwife asked me if I wanted to have a water birth in the tub, to which I responded 'no'. I thought to myself 'what kind of hippie do you think I am?' and that there was no way I'd be giving birth to a baby in a bath tub. I wondered what I would be like in labour - would I be very vocal, a screamer, or super quiet - well, I found out that I turn very quiet. I found myself whispering because I was afraid that if I was too loud it would make the pain hurt even more. I asked everyone not to talk to me when I was having a contraction and shushed them if they tried. Mike thought this was pretty funny. I had no idea how long I had been in the tub and just kept finding myself wondering how long I'd have to go through this before the baby was born. I was 10 cm dilated pretty soon after I was sitting in the tub. I asked my midwife if the contractions were going to get worse and she said they probably wouldn't get any more painful. I also really wanted to know how much longer I'd have to be in labour but obviously she couldn't really give me a time. It felt like the contractions never really went away in between. I felt like I had constant contractions in my back that dulled a bit between contractions but would never fully go away. It was tough. I told my midwife a few times that I thought I needed something to help with the pain but she respected my original wish for a drug-free birth and refocused me on working through each contraction. She told me I could try the gas but I couldn't wrap my head around trying to focus through each contraction, trying to steady myself in the tub, while holding the gas mask and breathing in, so I didn't bother trying it. Mike was putting cold towels on my head, massaging my shoulders, and fanning me throughout the labour. He kept encouraging me and telling me that I was doing really well. He was such a great support. When it got close to the point where I was going to have to start pushing my midwife told me that I had to get out of the tub and move to the bed if I didn't want to give birth in the tub. Well, the thought of this was unimagineable. In my mind, there was no way I could get out of the tub and make it all the way over to the bed 10 ft away while going through contractions so I told the midwife that I was going to stay in the tub and have a water birth! My midwife and the nurse were really excited about this because not many women opt for a water birth. Soon after this I started feeling the sensation to push and my midwife guided and coached me expertly. It was such a comfort hearing her coaching and having her focus me on what I had to do. I pushed for what felt like quite awhile and my midwife continued to coach me and tell me how well I was progressing. To be honest, it didn't feel like I was doing anything to move things along when I was pushing and I secretly felt like my midwife was lying to me - but of couse she wasn't. I had heard from many women that the part that really hurts in labour is right before the head comes out when you feel a 'ring of fire' and the head pushes through. I was dreading this part, but to my total amazement I never felt this. I felt nothing when the baby's head came out except relief. It was all so surreal. When the head was out my midwife told me to wait a few seconds because the baby would turn on it's own, at which time I could push again and the shoulders would slide right out. In my head I was thinking 'oh my goodness my baby is going to drown if I don't push right away', but instead I trusted my midwife and did as she said - and of course the baby came out perfectly fine. My midwife put the baby on my chest right away and we checked it out and found that we had just had a baby boy. It was such an indescribable feeling to be holding my baby and I felt the hugest sense of relief to know that I wouldn't feel anymore contractions!

Looking back on that day, I feel really happy about my birth experience. It was such an amazing day and I feel so blessed to have had the experience I had. Mike was absolutely wonderful through my whole pregnancy and labour. I didn't think it was possible to love him any more than I already did, but I was wrong. Now we are enjoying getting to know little Brayden and learning about parenthood.

37 Weeks (Technically Full-Term)

37 Weeks

I am thrilled that I am now 37 weeks along and technically have a full-term baby rolling around in my belly! It's still hard to believe that I have a full on baby in there. I am so curious to find out what Baby Neufeld looks like.

I had a midwife appointment this week and it was a very overwhelming visit for me. It finally hit me at the appointment that I was in my 37th week and so close to meeting Baby Neufeld and being a Mom. I mean of course I knew this before, but this week it finally sunk in and felt so real. We talked about labour, when to call my midwife, and how I was feeling. My ankles have gotten quite swollen over the past couple of weeks and my back has been hurting everyday so my midwife recommended that I stop work sooner than I was planning to. I intended to work until the week before my due date but my midwife recommended that I either work my final day this week or next week. I opted for the end of next week and couldn't help but feel a bit guilty and a tad like a failure because I wasn't able to work as long as I had hoped to. My midwife assured me that working until 38 weeks does not make a failure out of you and also hearing from my acupuncturist and chiropractor that I really needed to stop working soon because it was putting too much strain on my body has convinced me that my midwife is right. I know I have to listen to the experts and take care of my body and the baby first and foremost. And like Mike says "you're 8 months pregnant, and this is no time to be a hero". So, my last day of work will be August 13th...only 5 more working days left! Eeeeeek!

We finished off our baby room this past week and we are so happy with how it turned out. It took a lot of work on both Mike's and my part, moving our computer into our bedroom, building the crib, cleaning, decorating, etc. but it was all worth it. Now all we need is a little bundle of joy to complete this room :)

Surprise Baby Shower

My friend, Kellee, and I, due one week apart

A week and a half ago my friend, Kellee, and I were thrown a surprise baby shower at work by our amazing co-workers. We had no idea they had planned a shower for us that day and were completely surprised when we were told to go to the boardroom for an important meeting regarding a policy change only to find the boardroom decorated with diapers and bows and filled with our smiling colleagues and a delicious potluck feast. My friends, Serena and Jen, planned a few fun baby shower games for us to play and Kellee and I got really generous and thoughtful gifts. We were very happy mommies-to-be :)

Me at 35 1/2 weeks and Kellee at 34 1/2 weeks

The 'guess the kind of chocolate poo' diaper game

Our delicious potluck feast!

My amazing coworkers

35 Weeks Along and Heading in the Right Direction

35 Weeks

So today we had our ultrasound to check the baby's position and it also is the 35 week mark for us. I was feeling a bit nervous today but also really anxious to just know Baby Neufeld's position so we could move on with things. I'd been analyzing every movement of the baby this past week to try and figure out by myself where the baby was. I had a feeling the baby's head was down, his/her back was resting more on my right side with his/her bum being the big round bump I keep feeling just below my lower right rib, and the feet to my left side where I feel most of the more spastic kicks or punches. Guess what - I was right! Baby Neufeld's head is down and the position I thought he/she was in is the way he/she is laying in my belly! Such great news!

The ultrasound technician was really nice and she was very careful not to show me any pictures of the private areas of the baby so that Baby Neufeld's gender would remain a surprise. I got to see the kidneys, bladder, spine, heart, feet and hands, as well as details of the face like the lips and nose. Everything looked so much more detailed and much bigger in this ultrasound compared to the one I had at 18 weeks. The technician told me that Baby Neufeld weighs approximately 5lbs right now, which she said is right on track with being 35 weeks along, and all of his/her measurements match my due date so all looks well.

I am a very happy Momma today!

8 Months Along

So here we are at the 8 month mark! It's hard to believe that Baby Neufeld is due in 5 weeks!

So what's been going on since my last post....quite a bit actually...

Mike's Mom and my sister-in-law threw Baby Neufeld and I a lovely baby shower this month and we were so blessed with the company of such supportive and loving women and very generous gifts. We have washed all the clothes, blankets, sheets, towels, etc. now and we've got them all ready for Baby Neufeld to use.

Last week I had a midwife appointment and got to hear the baby's heartbeat again. That sound really never gets old. It's really just music to my ears. My midwife measured my belly and as it should be, she said it corresponds exactly to how far along I am in weeks. My midwife felt for the baby's position (head down or up) and said she wasn't able to determine for sure which way the baby was facing (she said she was 50-50) so she gave me the option of either going for an ultrasound to determine the baby's position or to come back in a couple of weeks to get her to try and feel the baby's position again. I opted for the ultrasound because I know that if the baby is breech the sooner you try to turn it, the higher the rate of success. My midwife said that 80% of babies are head-down at 35 weeks and by 38 weeks 95% are head-down, so Baby Neufeld still has some time. She also said that if the baby is breech that we will try and turn him/her through various methods, one of which is having an obstetrician physically try and turn the baby from the outside. That sounds pretty uncomfortable to me so I'd like that to be a last resort if possible. Apparently at 35 weeks most babies who are already head-down will stay that way, but 15% of babies who are not yet head down will turn before labour.

I talked to my acupuncturist (who is also a doula) about it and she told me that moxibustion before 35-36 weeks is 90% effective in turning a breech baby and she gave me some moxibustion sticks to use if my ultrasound determines that the baby is breech. Moxibustion is a traditional Chinese medicine technique which involves burning mugwort (or moxa stick that looks kind of like a cigar), and holding it close to an acupuncture point on the pinky toe in order heat it up and stimulate bloodflow and baby's movements in pregnant women. I would have to do the treatment twice a day for ten days. My acupuncturist also said there are all sorts of acupuncture treatments she can do to help turn a breech baby as well and the sooner I do these, the better the results.

My ultrasound appointment is on Friday, July 23rd and I am really anxious to find out Baby Neufeld's position. I'm praying for Baby Neufeld to be head down, but if he/she isn't yet head down, I'm praying that with some encouragement and perhaps some moxibustion and acupuncture, he/she will move head down on his/her own. I've been completely analyzing every single kick and movement from Baby Neufeld since my midwife appointment to try and determine which way Baby Neufeld is sitting. I'm feeling all of the movements at the top of my stomach and in the upper left. I assumed that this was from the bum and feet of the baby, but I guess it could also be from the head and arms. It's hard to know!

The people I've talked to about all of this have all told me that it is great that my midwife is being so thorough and making sure she knows the baby's position instead of guessing. I've heard horror stories of women having been told their babies are head-down only to find out during labour that they actually are not and then having to have an emergency c-section. Yikes!

I'll keep you posted...

Hello Summer!

I'm in my 33rd week of pregnancy now and my belly is really starting to get big. I've had so many people comment on how much my belly has grown in the past few weeks. Apparently this is the time when Baby Neufeld is packing on the chub so he/she doesn't come out looking scrawny.

The summer has decided to peek it's head around the corner and it's starting to get HOT! I think a trip to Kits pool this weekend may be in order to cool down. Just this week I've noticed that my feet and fingers are starting to swell sometimes (mostly when I'm walking) and my back is starting to ache from supporting my growing belly. I guess these are the fun 3rd trimester things that come with pregnancy. I love that it's summer time though and I can wear non-constricting summer dresses and sandals. I've taken my rings off my fingers so they don't get stuck on my stubby fingers when they swell and I've booked myself a prenatal massage for the weekend to help with the back aches so I think I'm in pretty good shape for now.

Baby Neufeld is squirming around a lot these days and I'm loving every minute of it. It's so neat to see my belly moving and knowing that it's our baby inside doing that. Although my belly is making everything I do a little more awkward these days, I'm still really enjoying being pregnant and I am so looking forward to meeting our little rascal in the next couple of months.