Celebrating Brayden's 1st Birthday!
It's been a year since I wrote in this blog about my birth story. Really?!? How did that happen? Looking back, it feels like this year has gone by so fast, but at the same time it feels like so much has happened in this year that it has actually been a long year.
I am heading back to work full-time next week so I have recently been feeling very emotional and reflective. I am trying to cherish all the time off I have with my husband and son. My husband took some vacation time during my last two weeks off so we could spend some time together as a family before I go back to work. I love that he did that! I have seen a completely different side of my husband since he became a father. I remember my friend, Rene, telling me after she had her first child, that once you see your husband as a father you will love him even more. She was right. It completely melts my heart to see my husband with my son, Brayden. He has been such a rock for our little family and shown us such support and love.
We made the big decision this year to sell our cozy apartment in Kitsilano and buy a house in Steveston. It was something we'd talked about before but when it came time to do it, we felt quite emotional about it. Our apartment in Kitsilano was the first home we'd bought together and where we shared so many memories for 7 years. Moving from Kitsilano to Steveston marked the closure of one chapter in our lives and the start of a new one as a family. Since we moved about a month and a half ago, my husband has worked non-stop to renovate our house to make it into the beautiful home we envisioned when we first saw it. He is the most hard-working man I know and such a wonderful husband and father. I am very blessed.
This year-long jouriney of mat leave has been such an amazing experience. Seriously, it has been one of the best years of my life but so unlike anything I have ever experienced before. It has been full of so many challenges, triumphs, so much learning and discovering. I never thought motherhood would be easy, but nothing can ever really prepare you for this role. You can take all the classes, read all the books, and listen to all the wise words of other mothers, but nothing but actually being a mother can make you ready.
I feel so privileged to have been able to take a year off to get to know my beautiful son and see him grow from a newborn baby who depended on me for everything to a gorgeous one-year old who can walk around independently, communicate his needs and wants and understands me (I don't know how mothers in the USA go back to work after 3 months!). I see him absorbing in information all around him everyday. He wants to know and learn about everything. This is what makes me most sad about going back to work. Brayden is at the stage where he is so curious and learning so quickly. It makes me so proud to see every little thing he discovers like how to push a button on a toy or banging two toys together to make noise. I am going to miss spending all day with my little munchkin, singing songs, playing and going out with him everywhere.
I've been trying hard to focus on the positive things about going back to work, like being able to go to the gym at lunch, sitting down and being able to actually enjoy my coffee while it's still hot, and catching up with my great co-workers. We are really lucky to have our families taking care of Brayden when I go back to work. Our parents and my sister-in-law have graciously volunteered to look after Brayden, along with my husband, so I can go back to work full time. I know if I was going to be sending Brayden to a daycare I would feel more anxiety than I do right now about going back to work. I think it will be good for Brayden to get to hang out with his grandparents, auntie, and cousins every week. I've been nervous about how busy I'm going to feel dropping off Brayden in the mornings, working, picking him up after work, coming home, making dinner, making lunches, dealing with bedtime, etc. etc. My husband has been so understanding of my worries and keeps reminding me that he is here to help with this stuff too and not to put so much pressure on myself to do everything. I've decided that once I go back to work and get in the swing of things I am going to get back to going to Bikrams Yoga. It is something I really enjoy doing and I think it will be good for me to have a couple of hours that is all mine each week.
So, to sum it up, I've learned a lot this year. I've learned a lot about myself, my husband, and my child. I never thought I could love my husband more than I did before but I was wrong. The love for your own child is indescribable. I could try to explain it but I would never be able to do it justice. I love being a Mom and a wife. I have always known how important family and friends are in my life and going through an event like having a child is a good reminder of that. So, even though I'd love to push the pause button on life so I could stay at home on mat leave for awhile longer, life continues along and next week I will be starting a new chapter as a working Mom. Wish me luck!
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